Notice anything unusual about this photo?
Well, other than the poinsettia in the background. That is a miracle because it is still alive and doing well and it is way past Christmas. As much as I love them, plants often come to my house to die.
Quickly.
But I think I am getting better at keeping them happy because I managed to keep my little Norfolk Island Pine Christmas tree alive for two Christmases!
Anyway, the point of this photo is this is the result of ignoring my gut.
See all that yarn? Yeah…it’s unknitted.
I bought this scrumptious fiber at a farmer’s market in Bethesda, Maryland when I was visiting my kids. It is from an indie yarn outfit called Kiparoo Farm.
Wrapped up in this fiber are good memories of the visit and freedom after having escaped my narcissistic ex-husband. We were safe and I was visiting my kids in my old stomping grounds. The yarn was soft, beautifully dyed and made me happy so I brought it home.
A few years later I found the pattern I wanted to use and the project went like this:.
Well, poo. I accidentally twisted the cast-on when I joined the circle but I have lots of rows done…it will be OK. Just a double Mobius.
Drat. I wanted this to be portable so am not adding the beads but not having that bead to count from is throwing my pattern off a tiny bit…it will be OK. Just a zig-zag pattern instead of a continuous slant.
Arg. The zig-zag isn’t consistently one way or another but this is so big no one but me is going to notice…it will be OK. Just lots of patterns.
Holy carp. This has not turned out as I planned. I kind of wish I had added the beads…but it will be OK. Just not as pretty as it could be.
And on and on. Each time I noticed something I squashed that niggle of ugh and pressed on…”it will be OK”. I wore it a few times and reveled in the softness and warmth.
And I also cringed.
Every. Single. Time.
I thought of ways I could fix it but nothing was going to make it more than just “OK”.
So I got up one morning, ripped it out and bought beads to re-knit it.
I am going to change one little thing about the pattern but it will be intentional, not an “oops, it will be OK”.
One would think that by my age I would have learned not to ignore my gut, right? I have become very skilled at listening to it for the big stuff but for some reason I kept trying to pound this little square peg into the little round hole.
It was a little thing. It would be “OK”.
Nope, it wouldn’t. My gut made sure of that.
Not wasted time, though. I learned how the fiber knitted up, learned what I valued in my art, learned to listen to the niggle of ugh and fix it right then.
It will only be a mistake if I ignore my gut again.
I am pretty excited to re-knit this with all the beads and patterns as they should be.
And it will be ready for next winter.
