How Do You Know When It's Time To Leap?

Big Changes, Big Choices

I am closer to the edge but still fidgeting, walking up and peering over, backing up, afraid to make the leap.

What began five years ago as a vague notion has coalesced into a plan. The edges are still a little blurry but the core is solid. And true to form, I have Plan A, B and C. It’s good to have back-up strategies but I also know I have a tendency to overthink things.

Hence, the dithering.

I’m not looking to quit my day job, just cut back hours as I still need health insurance and I have a mortgage which will probably outlive me. I never saw that one coming but holy cats, I never thought any of this would be my reality.

And now that this IS my reality, I am thrilled.

And a little bit scared because when you least expect it, the “truths” you learned growing up bubble to the surface.

Your Childhood Lessons Might Not Be True

I was raised in a culture of not enough; that the world would betray you and was to be feared. (There is much irony here but that is another story.)

I have found the life view of not enough to be untrue; I am here because of and in spite of events and people. It’s not what I had planned but it is So. Much. Better. I have worked my tail off and I also know that the Universe has had my back up till now.

So why should I think it won’t continue?

Because I was taught that I could only be a little bit happy; the piper was out there, waiting to be paid. Adventure and art and music were for others; best keep one’s nose to the grindstone because it was safer.

People don’t have to pay for following their dreams if they never have them.

But I am antsy to do just that: follow a dream. This morning especially I can’t think of a “why not” and I go over and over it in my head. Something has to change; I can’t keep working this many hours because it leaves no time to finish the book and tend the other irons in the fire. And if I can’t develop the other irons, I can never quit working. Around and around it goes.

I pace the house and the cat senses the energy and gets the zips, tearing around the house then attacking his kitty kick stix.