I have been in a post holiday funk for a couple of days. At least I think that’s what it is. The timing is right so that’s what I’m going to call it and I realize that I have no good reason but sometimes it just happens. Don’t get me wrong; I am so damn lucky to be where I am now but I guess this is the “compare and contrast” chapter to reinforce it. Perspective is helpful and right now I am too cranky to care so decided to share this with you, gentle reader. Yes, I brazenly stole that phrase from Charlotte Bronte…..it’s the kind of mood I’m in.
1. I have the unsupported and irrational suspicion that “everyone else” is having more fun than I am. This is whining and I freely admit it. I have no pride today. Al-Anon has a great saying about not comparing my insides to other people’s outsides. It helps to remember this but watching TV and endless commercials about finding your soulmate through this or that online dating service and the beautiful sitcom Cosby family fly in the face of that knowledge. Then I remember that people completely re-invent themselves for online dating sites (“Gosh, you look way older than your photo”), Bill Cosby can make me laugh so hard I can’t breathe and he is still keeping on after the tragedy of his son’s death. And also why I rarely watch commercial TV.
2. I am doing “all this” alone. No wait, I was doing it alone before and also dealing with the effects of living with an alcoholic who had access to our joint credit card. Scratch #2.
3. I am struggling with the fact that there are people who probably believe untrue things that have been said about me. I have faults enough for which I should be held accountable so why do I care about fabrications? I don’t know; it’s none of my business what others think of me and I’m learning not to care, actually. Baby steps. To paraphrase Plato, “Live your life in such a way that if someone were to say something really bad about you, no one would believe it”. And the ones who do believe it might just be jealous…..after all, the stories make me sound much more dramatic and adventurous than I really am! (See #1. I am so vanilla.)
4. I have to clean the house. This means I am going to have to take the tree down today and I would rather be playing music or running or painting or or or. Gandalf the Grey (my dog) was groomed yesterday so that will decrease the pet hair load. Have you noticed how there is no dust in space? Seriously, think about it. When was the last time you saw a protective coating of fine particulate matter in Star Trek or Star Wars or in the hallways of Deep Space Nine? I used to think it was because there were only droids and humans and slobbery reptilian creatures but then I remembered Tribbles and Chewbacca. No dust bunnies there! What gives? Oh, wait….science fiction.
5. I love movies. I love the stories and the scenery and the oh-so-wonderful special effects. But I must confess that part of my unsettledness is quite possibly due to having seen The Hobbit once and Les Miserables twice in the last week. Peter Jackson has done a spectacular job with Tolkien’s stories and I am considering remodeling my house into a hobbit hole. And some of those dwarves….if they were taller I would consider dating them. But not the one who braided his eyebrows. Men with purpose and honor and strength and….oh, wait…..fantasy. Gotcha. (I am related to many such men, either by birth or by marriage but the dating pool here looks like the Serengeti at the end of the dry season. If you are reading this and you really are a man with purpose, honor, etc, I don’t mean you. Call me later and we’ll talk).
Well….then, there’s Hugh and Russell and the music of Les Miserables. That was one sad story! Bad stuff had happened or was going to happen to almost everyone in it, but it was sad in a good way and I thank the writers for the Thenardiers! (If you don’t know what I mean by that, go see the movie; Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen….I won’t say more). I am still humming the tunes. There was some serious sh** going down in that tale but I loved it…..and you know why? (1) Great music (2) Opportunities to laugh showed up in the oddest places and (3) It all worked out in the end.
So, so simple! The Recipe to help turn the corner and not let pissiness infect my life and waste my days…..all I need is my own soundtrack with some great lyrics (new appreciation for people who write music), to enjoy comic relief (it’s usually in there somewhere) and to remember that it will all work out in the end, (whatever that means).
“All will be well and all will be well and all manner of thing will be well”. Julian of Norwich had it right. I wonder if she had music in her head when she said those words? And to manage to arrive at that place in her life, I bet she had a quirky sense of humor, too.